You may read this post and think I've lost my mind. I have this somewhat annoying quality of thinking that when I figure something out (or God shoves it right in front of me) I need to share it with absolutely everyone. I have thought many a time I had stumbled upon some key to understanding, only to have my husband inform me that not only is that concept in scripture, but it is a verse memorized by many for 2000 years. He is truly so patient with me (most of the time).
So here is the revelation I had today: When my desires change, God, the Potter, is doing a little remodeling with His clay - which is me. I'm also seeing that sometimes He wants me to walk away from something only to return to it later. During these times, I think He is replacing addictions with a means of glorifying Him. I have a very addictive personality with a strong streak of OCD. I like pattern, routine, and I don't like it to change. Well, for the past few months, my schedule has been more scrambled than the hash browns at Waffle House. I have also suddenly stopped wanting to do some of the things I usually obsess over...I mean suddenly...like I have been doing a particular activity for 15 years and all of a sudden I just stopped.
God is teaching me to fully rely on Him! Now, keep in mind I prayerfully asked Him to do this. I didn't connect the dots until today though. I thought maybe I was going through some type of mid-mid life crisis. Nope! God is mixing it up so I can practice what I preach. I think He has said, "Heather, honey, you are so worried about everyone else. Let's check out your spiritual walk for awhile." Ouch! I need it though. I don't want to fake it. I don't want to be someone who says the right churchy things, but acts like a fool. I truly want an authentic relationship with the Holy One!
Let me give you an example. I have been off Facebook for about 6 days. I think that is right. I am not saying Facebook is bad. I am saying; however, I was bad with Facebook. I would check statuses when I could have been doing something productive or something to glorify God. I don't mean 2 or 3 times a day either. I also looked at certain profiles just to see what people were saying...expecting to find something offensive. Worst of all, I found myself checking my husband's page frequently just to see if there was anyone he was talking to that I didn't want him talking to (he doesn't know this...so maybe he won't read this post). I found myself feeling very negative, critical, and suspicious. Please don't misunderstand. Some of you use FB to communicate with friends and family you would not otherwise be in contact with. I've also seen it used to rapidly spread requests for prayer. I was the problem. If I know something is going to lead to a multitude of sins, then I need to stay away from it!
Now here is the epiphany part. It wasn't that I decided to stop using FB. I didn't feel super convicted and make a decision to walk away (which is typically what I would do... I, I, I, I). This time I just didn't want to look at it anymore. Literally, in an instant the DESIRE to check statuses was gone. I believe with all my heart God is working something out in me. Let me tell you something else. My Blackberry typically lights up like a Christmas tree with messages, notifications, requests to join groups... In 6 days, I have received ONE message. No kidding.
FB is just one of a few things I am experiencing like that right now. I am very excited about God changing my want to's and don't want to's. He is slowing me down, changing my circumstances to practice what I profess, pruning areas that increase my temptation to sin.
Father God, thank You for loving me...let alone taking the time to change me. I want the desires of my heart to be Your desires. Please help me know Your will!
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